Sugar detox

Hm, here's a thought, now that I think I have survived the worst of the cold (candy) turkey (egg} holiday: could it be possible that it was the sugar IN the alcohol that I was addicted to? Because I when I quit drinking, over 5 years ago, I grew a sweet tooth! Now...the cravings for both are gone. That could change, but right now, gone!

I've been doing research on the chemistry behind it all...if sugar releases endorphins...

A few things I have added into my diet are: cinnamon, tumeric and chromium picolate, all which help regulate blood sugar. This is positive, because most of the past five years, I have been eliminating things from my diet. I found that I developed intolerance to the foods I loved and ate the most often, like chamomile tea, mashed potatoes, home-grown tomatoes, and garlic and ginger...

The idea is to have a healthy variety of whole fresh, preferably organic foods. I am getting an appointment with the dietitian at the local regional hospital tomorrow. She has kindly helped me when I was a patient there, so I am hopeful that this will bring me one more step closer to the recovery of my health and energy. I am so ready! Honestly, just planning, shopping and cooking for myself is seriously overwhelming for me, much less eating, and being afraid that I might eat something that will make me violently ill.

I was first diagnosed with IBS in 2002. I quit alcohol and several prescriptions in 2005. Still, I had violent attacks of gastroenteritis which found me in the ER a dozen times in 2006! This is getting frustrating. I think what triggered some acute problems was that in 2004, I had an ectopic pregnancy which I had treated with a shot of methotrexate. It didn't work, and I was technically pregnant (having HCG hormone showing up in my blood tests) for six more months with severe gastro symptoms. Then, in desperation, I finally found the courage to go through with surgery which I should have done in the first place!

So, 2005, I start graduate school. My son starts high school in the same small town, and I tell myself to stay put until he graduates.

Nevertheless, the jobs I had and my semesters were ruined several times because of the gastro attacks. I was in and out of school, struggling with my health. I had to drop classes, but I finally did manage to complete all the classwork after five years!

In the meantime, when I was working as a reporter and editor of a local on-line news website, an attack occurred out of town and I missed my deadline. I met someone that day who told me about MSG and referred me to a local acupuncturist. This was not the first time I'd been told I should consult her, so I did. I told her my story, so far, and she suggested that, since I have thyroid problems, I might also have a gluten-intolerance. She recommended some books, and I went gluten-free, as well as I possibly could, for two years. Still having attacks! (Also, I was enduring extreme pain from female ailments such as fibroid tumors, ovarian cysts and endometritis (sp?), which was really my chief complaint during this time. After that was cured with hysterectomy, I could work on other ailments.)

In 2009, I consulted a homeopathic doctor, and a nutritionist in Austin. Remedies, supplements, probiotics, enzymes, amino acids, glutamine, 5-HTP, Sam-E, etc., all added to my diet, as food choices diminished. And I continued to have my nightly cup of SleepyTime Tea with chamomile! (Oh, but I quit coffee around 2008 or so, when I found out I had fibrous tissue in my breasts during a mammogram. Here's a good thing, when I quit coffee, my anxiety attacks disappeared! Imagine that! I started drinking Yerba Mate tea every morning instead.)

I eliminated nightshades: potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, eggplant and tobacco. And Still got sick! In late 2009, I was tested by applied kinesiology and found reaction to corn, msg, soy, I forget what else now, but I discovered Yuca to replace my beloved comfort food, mashed spuds! And acorn squash with a big ol' meatball baked in each cup of a cut half was another new dish I found I could love and tolerate. Funny, with all the eliminations, I was still eating meat: chicken, fish, and rarely, pork, and seafood, which I like very much.

Now, last February, I went to see an endocrinologist to help get some hormones my body has been starving for since a full hysterectomy I had done in January of 2007. Once he heard my gastro-nightmare story, he suggested an ALCAT blood test that came back with a full report of my intolerances to food, additives, chemicals, molds, herbs, etc., so at least I, at last(!), have a CLUE as to how to get better!!!

That is the most writing I have done in quite some time, and now (whining) my back hurts just from sitting here typing, so I just gotta quit. I hope someday my story here will give someone hope to go on and keep trying one day at a time, and not quit before the miracle happens!!!
It's complicated, the medical mazes I have wandered!!!

April 24, 2011 Easter Night.

Easter. I spent the last 2 days in bed, depressed. I have to quit sugar! I canceled plans to celebrate Easter, dreading candy candy candy and chaos! Now, after all the things I have given up over the past few years...Now Sugar.

And it makes me very bitter! I am starting to wonder if all the trouble I go to when I eat -- to keep from getting sick, and never feeling very well, is worth the effort. E 4 effort.

I am a shamed writer, because I call myself a writer, though I rarely write at all anymore, I feel more like a phony hypocrite. And worthless to boot. Because I felt it was my calling, and a gift, a talent, I have been given, and I have been wasting precious moments. And even now I feel like I should just stop because I feel so negative and am full of toxic complaints that are so childish, I hesitate to admit them to anyone for fear of ridicule.

Yes, why should I care? I have told myself I don't need others approval, yet, I invested a lot of time and energy in helping my "best Friend" with her huge life transitions lately. Happy to have her back in my life. When Friday, there came a last straw... she laughed at my fear, in bonding with someone else. I let my feelings hurt from that to the point of wanting to end the friendship. I think it must be unhealthy for me to be emotionally attached to anyone to the point of -ouch! - it hurts when they don't understand, or even try to understand my feelings.

There is more to this scenario, which is more than I care to recall now. I feel like telling myself, "I can't care" for her anymore. I must continue compassion and forgiveness for my own sake, and unconditional love, but I cannot allow her to drag me into her chaos and drama she creates in her own life. If she doesn't have it, she's bored! I don't need this!

I blame myself. I need to find other people to be my friends and build healthy relationships, if that is possible. At this particular point, which will surely pass, I feel like just giving up on everything. I'm tired. Good night! (I hope this sugar detox is over soon, I really don't have depression days much anymore. I know it won't last.)